Jokes
by crankyman7
Summary: When an innocent question sparks an old memory, The Sorceress decides to make a name for herself- literally.


_January 2013_

"And _you_, my little rhinoceros buddy," she said, staring at Neff, whose bulky frame filled the chair it was sitting on. "What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?"

The Sorceress let the words fall from her lips with a coy smile adorning her face. She watched as her fellow bad guy rolled his eyes. "You think I have the _time_ to worry about ice-cream?" he said.

"_Everyone's_ got a favorite ice-cream flavor."

The Sorceress turned to observe Vanellope's expression. She started to laugh, only for her laughter to trail off as she realized that the girl was perfectly serious.

"What?" Vanellope said. "Are you making fun of me?"

The Sorceress started to nod her head, then stopped. She thought back to the time of her awakening, back in the beginning of 1996. She had been so much more earnest herself then, so eager to be taken seriously. It had taken the intervention of her friends to make her realize how much of a joke life could really be- and how much joy could be found through embracing that reality with a smirk.

Still, she felt for the girl.

"No," she told Vanellope, choosing her words carefully. "I was just-"

"Oh, no need to hide it, dear," Neff said. "Admit it- you find her naivete amusing."

"No, I was just thinking of what happened the one time you _did_ try eating ice-cream," The Sorceress retorted.

Neff snorted. "Oh, _brilliant _save."

"What happened?" Vanellope asked, her eyes wide.

"Let's just say you wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere near _Pac-Man_'s toilet for a month."

The Sorceress wasn't looking at Neff when he spoke, but she knew he wore a smirk on his face. After all these years, she didn't have to look.

She saw Vanellope's eyes widen still further, as recognition dawned on her face. She started to grin. "You mean-?"

"Put a whole new meaning on 'soft serve'," Neff added. Vanellope burst into hysterical laughter.

"Hey, Sorceress," Neff said, "I think we can make something of this kid."

"Maybe," The Sorceress said. She eyed Vanellope closely. "Can you laugh like that about yourself?" she asked.

"I'm trying," Vanellope admitted. "Its kind of hard, though, but I'll get it." She blinked, stretched her arms, and yawned. "Gotta get to bed," she said. Standing up from her chair, she turned to the door of the little one-room house they were inside of.

"You know the way?" The Sorceress called after her.

"Yeah," Vanellope said. Then, on the threshold of the door, she paused and turned to face The Sorceress again. "What's your name?"

The Sorceress blinked. "I already told you that."

"No," Vanellope said, "Your real name? 'Sorceress' is your title. An awesome one, too. But what's your _name_?"

* * *

_December 1996_

"I'll see you again tomorrow!" Claire had told her, before returning to _Spy Hunter_ for work the next day. Hollow words, in hindsight, considering what had happened next.

_Spy Hunter_ had broken that day, and Litwak had pulled the plug a few hours later, after checking in with the repairman. Nobody had been able to make it out.

It had happened a few times before in the preceding years. Some game would break down, and nobody would be able to exit. According to Surge, they physically _couldn't_. He wasn't sure why, he said, but that was how it had been every time.

The Sorceress wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at the cruel irony of it all. Her first Christmas at Litwak's Arcade with her two best friends, and now she would never have a Christmas with one of them at all.

Her own game, _Vampire's Bounty_, was a straightforward gothic adventure, set in a stereotypical Eastern European town with the requisite castle on the hilltop overlooking it all. As the chief villainous of the game, she pulled double duty as both a vampire and a magician, both sucking blood and using it in evil rituals. At least, such was her programmed backstory. She only appeared in the final level as a boss, with precious little dialogue. Still, she had tried to milk it for all it was worth, to throw her weight around, gain influence, get others to take her seriously- at least for a few months. Then Claire and Neff had entered her life, and the balloon had punctured.

"Look at yourself," Neff had said. "You're walking Fem Fatale stereotype crossed with a vampire. And look at us! I'm an evil wizard who transforms into a purple rhinoceros. And Claire's got a stupid leather outfit that some fool developer thought was sexy. We're all of us a bunch of jokes. Who could ever take any of us seriously?"

She had laughed then for the first time, longer and louder than she ever had since. Because in that moment, she could see the truth of his words. He was right- they really _did_ look ridiculous. And in that moment, she realized that it was a wonderful thing, that they could look so ridiculous together.

Together.

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes, even as the grin began to spread across her face…

* * *

…And when The Sorceress had finished, she still didn't know whether she had been laughing or weeping.

* * *

_January 2013_

"But what's your _name_?"

The Sorceress said nothing for a moment. Then, in a soft voice, she said: "My name is Claire."

"Claire," Vanellope repeated. "Kind of short, but I like it." She waved briefly to them both. "Thanks for the visit, guys!" she said. Then she left the house.

The Sorceress stayed still for several moments. Then, turning to Neff, she said: "Life may be full of jokes. But sometimes, the jokes are too cruel."

"True enough," Neff replied. "From what Ralph's told us, that kid hasn't seen nearly enough good ones yet."

"But we learned long ago, didn't we?" The Sorceress said. "What she'll learn more fully, in time. When the joke is bad, you find a better one to laugh at." She smiled and held out her hand to Neff, who took it with a smile of his own.


End file.
